2-20-11

Scale update: 135

5 lbs down!!!

Quick update

1-30-11 – the scale read 137.1 I worked out 6 days this week, but I also didn’t do very well at watching what I ate, so losing a pound is good. As my husband said, losing a pound is better than gaining a pound

Weight update

Scale yesterday said – 138.5 down from 140.9. Small victory!

Here We Go Again…

2011 is here and it has already been quite a year! There’ve been quiet a few health concerns in my family, but we are hoping the rest of the year goes good After Christmas break we went back to school for a week and then were out a whole week due to snow and then, last night, it sleeted – so we are out again today. Okay, students are out. I have to work. And guess what I’m doing? Updating my blog…lol.

I’ve started my weight loss quest yet again. I am working out using Wii Active nightly and I am really watching what I’m eating. I’m taking the Yoplait challenge for a few weeks to see if that can help boost me. Basically you replace breakfast and lunch with a cup of Yoplait light, a cup of a grain (cereal is good for this) and some fruit. Today is the first day. I’ve replaced both meals and things have gone good. While I probably should have added milk to the cereal, since I’m on the go in the mornings and didn’t bring a bowl to work, I just ate it from the bag that I had pre-measured. I’m also really working on determining if I’m really hungry or if I’m just bored or stressed or whatever and feel like I should eat. That’s been a bit of a struggle.

I’ve also become involved in a “Biggest Loser Challenge” with my SIL. She and I are about the same height, but she’s smaller than me. Probably at her heaviest in her pregnancy she weighed what I do now. I hate to admit that I am using her as my motivation to lose weight, but I am. I don’t want to be her, but I’d like to be her size. So, competing with someone who weighs less than me (and, quiet frankly, someone I’ve had issues with in the past [issues which have since been resolved, thank goodness....okay, maybe I'm still holding some resentment on some things, but I'm working on that and using that to spur me to win this challenge]) has really helped…so far. I realize it’s only going to get tougher and it’s going to be easy to make excuses, because it has been that way in the past. However, I hope I really am finally FED UP with this weight now and won’t make excuses this time. In fact, I’m trying to figure out how to sneak out of work a little early to get home early to start working out…that’s a good sign

Running. Since November, I haven’t been running. First there was a knee problem. Then there was Christmas and an ankle problem (which still exists despite medication). Excuses, excuses. Plain and simply, I haven’t done it. I need to though because I really want to run Cooper River Bridge and not just run half and walk half. However, I also just want to be able to say that I “got over it”! I got pretty new running shoes for my birthday and I know they are itching to do more than just workout with me…lol. I’m not finding the motivation to run right now and I know I have to. Will be adding this to list of things to work on.

So, to keep myself accountable, here’s the following info:

Weight: 140.9 [cringe]

BMI – 26.6

Food eaten today (from 8 am to 12 pm) – 1 apple, 2 cups of Yoplait yogurt (100 calories each), 1 cup of rice chex cereal.

That is all from me today. Until next time – keep your chin up and keep pushing yourself

Self-Image Epiphany….

So, first let me apologize for not updating in over a month. Guess I have a lot of updating to do. Let’s start at the last update. I was having issues with my stomach and was experiencing nausea on a nightly basis and heartburn was more frequent. I was in and out of the doctor’s office and trying to figure out what was causing this. He put me on a pill for IBS. Even I knew it wasn’t going to work. There were no food triggers to my nausea. The Pepcid he gave me worked for the heartburn. We spent July 10th to July 17th in Oklahoma visiting my family. Well, during that week, I also had that monthly visitor (sorry for the tmi). I didn’t have any nausea. I picked up on that right away and wondered if maybe my birth control pill was making me sick. Well, I decided to stop taking the pill and see if that really was the cause. I haven’t had nausea since. I truly believe that it was the birth control pill. My body always has weird reactions to stuff. I’ve been on the pill (and this certain one) since I was 16 to control endometriosis (which my doctor now says I do not have….interesting). Well, last year I tried the patch. Oh that messed me up big time. I was on it for 6 months and I was crazy! I gained 20+ pounds (which I’m still trying to lose!), was moody, and would get so angry I wanted to be physically violent. It was not me at all!! So, I left the patch (much to both my and my husband’s relief…lol) and went back to the pill – same brand I was on before. I was fine for a couple of months… then the nausea started. I didn’t think anything about it until it started getting worse recently. I wonder if it’s cause I’m taking the generic version? I wouldn’t think so because I’ve taken the generic before and been fine. It’s probably just because with age your body changes and begins to react differently to things. Doc says to eat before I take the pill, which now means I have to change the time I take the pill. We will see. I’ve already discussed this with my husband and if eating doesn’t help, I’m not taking anything, period. We will seek other alternatives because we aren’t ready to have kids just yet.

So, with that in mind, I’ve felt a lot better and I’ve gotten back into running. I was surprised as ever that I actually missed running (as much as I complained about it, really??) and felt “blah” because I wasn’t running. I’ve started running again and I feel better! Last week I weighed in at 137. This week – 135. I haven’t lost inches though, but I’m watching what I eat more closely. My husband is also on a diet/exercise regimen, which makes it so much easier to keep healthy food in the house and stay on track because we are keeping each other accountable.

So, today I was watching Oprah and she was talking about this book: “Women, Food, and God” by Geneen Roth. To preface this, she showed clips of women discussing their weight. Many women said they hated themselves, but that they had no willpower, which made them hate themselves even more. Oprah asked her audience how many of them felt that way and I felt like shouting “ME!!!” so that she could hear me through my TV, but I refrained…lol. I immediately logged onto my favorite website. You know, that Amazon one? I ordered the book before the show even finished. Everyone was talking about epiphanies they had during the book and “spotlight” or “light bulb” moments. I also think that I may be a bit of a food addict. Seriously, that’s what emotional eating is – you feel an emotion (for me, it’s any emotion really…stress, sadness, boredom) and you eat. That’s what “calms” you, but you’re not really hitting at the feeling and resolving your feelings, you’re compounding them and make them worse and make your self-image worse as you pack on the pounds. However, as an emotional eater, it is very, very, VERY difficult to stop. Now, I can recognize that my problem is not as big (pardon the pun) as other’s, but it’s a problem that I battle. A million people can tell me how small I am and I can see that I’m not “that” big, but I feel huge and I don’t feel happy or confident. It’s been a lifelong struggle for me. I LOVE food.

Well, I was thinking about the book and what the women said as I ran today. My goal today was to run for 12 minutes straight (more on that later). About 8 minutes in, one of my favorite songs came on. If you’ve ever seen the movie Footloose, you know the song – it’s Kenny Loggin’s “I’m Free (Heaven Help the Man)”. Well, this song reminds me of a high school friend who, when I had a crush on him, I wanted him to date me so badly that I listened to this song all the time because it says “You’re what I want/Listen to me/Nothing I want/Is outta my reach”….funny, right, but we’ve all been hung up on a song because of a guy or girl. Before I continue, I will enlighten you with the full lyrics of the song:

(Songwriters: Loggins, Kenny;Pitchford, Dean)

“Looking into your eyes I know I’m right
If there’s anything worth my love it’s worth a fight
We only get one chance
But nothing ties our hands
You’re what I want
Listen to me
Nothing I want
Is out of my reach

Chorus
(I’M FREE)
HEAVEN HELPS THE MAN who fights his fear
Love’s the only thing that keeps me here
(I’M FREE)You’re the reason that I’m hanging on
My heart’s staying where my heart belongs
(I’M FREE)

Running away will never make you free
And nothing we sign is any kind of guarantee
But I wanna hold you now
And I won’t hold you down

I’m shaking the past
Making my breaks
Taking control
If that’s what it takes

Chorus
(I’M FREE)
HEAVEN HELPS THE MAN who fights his fear
Love’s the only thing that keeps me here
(I’M FREE)You’re the reason that I’m hanging on
My heart’s staying where my heart belongs
(I’M FREE)

I wanna hold you now
I wont hold u down
You’re what I want
Listen to me
Nothing I want
Is out of my reach

Chorus (x3)
(I’M FREE)
HEAVEN HELPS THE MAN who fights his fear
Love’s the only thing that keeps me here
You’re the reason that I’m hanging on
My heart’s staying where my heart belongs
(I’M FREE)”

Well, I get to the line “If there’s anything worth my love, it’s worth a fight” and that line stuck in my head. I realized that I have to love me! Loving myself is worth fighting for!! I will fight Negative Nancy and the critical thoughts and feelings I have until I love myself 100% because I am worth it!! I won’t give up! When that hit me, I teared up, but quickly tried to control my emotions lest I stumble and fall (literally). By this time, the song was done and my 12 minutes was almost up. I replayed the song and I amped up my speed. I felt GREAT!! I’m going to do this. I’m going to get in shape no matter what the fight is. I realize that I should love myself no matter what and that’s one of those things I will have to fight and work on, but I also know that it will be easier to get there if I’m working towards a healthy goal. I’m fighting for the love of myself. I shouldn’t have to, but the sad truth is, I do. When I replayed the song, it all fell into place. I ran a whole mile without stopping and I felt AWESOME!!! I haven’t ran a whole mile since I was in elementary school and even then I stopped and walked (and I was forced to do that…I didn’t chose to). I am worth it; I am beautiful; I am amazing; I am a list of incredible things. Deep down I know this, but critical thoughts and negative images have plagued me. It’s time to fight those and seriously fight those. No more “I’ll try”. No. I’m doing it. I’m fighting them and I’m beating them once and for all!!

During my run, I also realized that the mile didn’t kick my butt, I totally kicked its butt!!!!

Update

It’s been a while since my last update and it’s been two weeks since my last run. Why? My best reason is my stomach troubles. Aside from it being blazing hot (upper 90s) I made good efforts to get up early and run. It seemed as though everytime I got up to run or got ready (if I was running in late evening) my nasea would be debilitating. To catch you up, I’ve been dealing with nightly nasea for months now. It has gotten worse and now will hit when it feels like it and has now coupled with nervousness. I have had ten vials of blood taken in three weeks and everything has been fine. Even my thyroid is back to normal. My weight is still fluctuating, but doc said it could take up to four months to see a change…plus with two weeks off…lol.
So, I got up and ran this morning with a goal of running 8 minutes without stopping. I ended up running 4 minutes, walking two minutes, and running 2 more minutes. Not good, but, not bad given my down time. I’m counting calories even more now too and taking kelp and vitamin b along with the stomach pills and pepcid the doctor gave me Here’s hoping.
Until next time, just keep swimming

Week 6, Day 1 Couch 2 5k The Sequel

Well, it’s been considerably cooler her the last few days and that really helped yesterday. That and the fact that I’ve learned if I start out at a slower pace, I am able to keep going longer. Makes sense. Anyways, yesterday went better than I thought it would. The program called for a 5 minute warm up walk then a 5 minute jog, 3 minute walk, 8 minute jog, 3 minute walk, and 5 minute jog. I made it successfully through the first 5 minutes, keeping pace with my SIL. I then made it through 8 minutes, but was a little slower. The last 5 minutes was somehow the most difficult…maybe because of fatigue. Anyways, I was able to run (old person style mostly) all but about 45 seconds of it. Today calls for two 10 minute jogs with a 3 minute walk in between them.

I was slightly alarmed a couple of time yesterday when it felt as though my heart was palpitating or something. I slowed slightly and kept breathing and it went away. I went to the doctor yesterday morning and he listened to my heart and didn’t say anything about it or that I should be running, but it was weird all the same. I know my heart is getting a workout also and it can get fatty tissues around it, maybe it’s burning all of that off. Who knows. It is something I have to be aware of now though.

What is also aggravating to me is the fact that I was down to 134 and now I’m back up to 137.5. I realize muscle weighs more than fat, but shouldn’t I be losing inches? I did for a bit and my legs are definitely strengthening up, but I’m not losing inches in my mid-section at all. I haven’t started my ab program yet, but I thought I was really watching what I eat. There is no chocolate or junk in my house right now aside from a bag of pretzel M&Ms (try them…amazing!). I have eaten cafeteria food during the last week, but I’m not sure that’s it. I talked to the doctor about this yesterday as well. I’ve been having stomach issues. He proceeded to extract 4 vials of blood from me to run all sorts of tests on. I should know by the end of this week. Hopefully we can find a solution.

Aside from that, yesterday went well and I’m sure today will go well also. Until next time… keep reaching for the stars!

Week 5 – Done

Since I didn’t post about week 5, day 2: here goes.

1st 8 minute run – I made it 4 minutes, walked 2, ran 2. Next 8 minutes – shotty intervals of walking and running at best. Weather – atrocious. Instead of being hard on myself, I have to remember, we’re running on uneven asphalt that is both hilly and flat in areas and the temperature outside is increasing (upper 80s all week) along with large amounts of humidity on both Tuesday and Wednesday.

Day 3 (yesterday) called for a 20 minute run. I knew I would not run the entire 20 minutes. Was I short-sighting myself? No. I was being realistic. Well, anyways, I started out at a slower pace so as not to wind myself too quickly. I ran a full 8 minutes straight…accomplishment!! Then I walked 3 minutes, ran 2, left calf developed a charlie horse, tried to push through, ended up alternating between the “old person shuffle” and walking the rest of the time. I definitely need to stretch more after runs. I haven’t been doing that.

Before movie night with the hubs, I hope to get in the ab work I’ve been trying to fit in all week, but have been unsuccessful at. Then I’m going to mentally prepare myself for week 6 which calls for the following: Day 1 – run 5, walk 3, run 8, walk 3, run 5; Day 2 – run 10, walk 3, run 10; Day 3 – run 25.  Time to beat Negative Nancy now…lol.

OT: The Complainers

Over the last couple of months it has been made painfully obvious to me that we have become a nation (perhaps a world) of complainers. At first I thought perhaps it was just teenagers, being as I’m a high school teacher. However, it’s not. It’s society. I often joke to my students that they would find something to complain about if I announced we would never open a book or learn again (as they mostly complain about what we are learning in class). I let them watch a movie that they voted on as a class. They complain that they hate watching movies on my projection screen (our only option). I turned the AC off because they complained they were too cold. Now they’re too hot.  Is it second nature to complain or have we crept  into this society of complaints?

How come we just can’t suck it up and make the best of what we’re dealt? In society, someone wins the lottery, choses how the money is given to them (lump sum or payout), and they complain about how much attention they are getting or how the money isn’t enough. Standing in the checkout line, we complain that the line is too long. When we are lucky enough to get the express lane, we complain that the cashier was too slow/fast/quiet/etc. If we finally are able to purchase the pair of shoes that we’ve been saving for and wanting for what seems like a millenium, we complain when they go on sale.

We complain and complain and complain, mostly about things that are beyond our control or anyone else’s control – things that can’t be changed, things that we should just suck up and deal with. We should shut up and move on. Why is it so difficult to just deal with things and make the best of our situations?

Week 5, Day 1

I’m done with week 5, day 1. Proud of finishing. It’s 87 degrees outside with probably 90% humidity and there’s a storm brewing overhead (literally dark purple thunderstorm clouds are over my house). For that weather, having to dodge a dog who does not run in a straight line, and combatting potholes and hills, with an iPod strapped to one arm and my phone strapped to the other (in another Ipod case) I’d say I did pretty good. My first 5 minute run, I stopped about a minute and 20 seconds before it was done. So I ran almost 4 minutes and walked 4 minutes. Next 5 minutes, I ran all but 1 minute of it. Last 5 minutes, same thing. I’m sweating like I haven’t sweated before after a run. Tomorrow calls for two 8 minute jogging segments with a 5 minute walking segment between them. I’m shooting for running at least 6 minutes the first one and 7 minutes the second one. Heck, I may suprise myself and run the full 8 minutes. I won’t complain about that either. I’m doing my best. I’m gonna finish my first 5k!!! I’m actually about to jump on the website and register that way I don’t have any excuses whatsoever!!

Time to go find something for dinner.